Together - 2

"I am scared of the waves "

"Give me your hand"

"Hold me tight"

"Fear not, you're with me"

The conversation is real. Every line. Each season, the first day at the beach is like an adventure you do not know too well what can happen. Will they hate the sand this time or might they fear the water? Well, this year we had a fantastic first day on the beach and they had a wonderful time. "Give me your hand. Fear not, you're with me." They are three years old and they already know that together… they are stronger.

Together they can face anything. They walk together and learn to love, to cry, to fear, to be brave, to get angry, to understand that things can not always be here and now. I feel happy when I see them this way. They show me every day, that they have a very special relationship that I do not know how far I can understand. For many quarrels, jealousies and moments that are very angry ... I think above all they love each other very much.

Together

De Quervain's tenosynovitis

De Quervain's tenosynovitis. A painful irritation of the tendons on the thumb side of the wrist. I had never heard of it. However, I quickly caught up.

Before becoming a mother, I had had some practice with my nieces. The eldest one was born when I was just 11. As a result, I was used to holding babies when the time came. I had always thought that it comes to a mother as a natural instinct. You fold your arm a bit. Then, you place the baby’s head on the elbow fold. Your hand, a bit bent as well, holds the baby’s bum and legs. So much for theory and practice.

Now, what reality is like. Two babies. The first who weighed almost three and a half kg. at birth and the second who weighed two and a half. (They’re twins, but in spite of this, they had an adequate birth weight). For some months, holding them in your arms, breastfeeding them and giving them bottles, rocking them to sleep or to calm their colic pains meant that I was constantly forcing my arm and hand.

The pain gradually appeared. I felt that some hand gestures were difficult and painful for me to make. The pain became more intense and more immobilising. And it was in my right hand. The one I use the most, my stronger hand. I went to the doctor’s and looking at my hand he pronounced the three unknown words: “De Quervain's tenosynovitis” . “It’s very common among first-time moms”.”Really?”-I wondered. “Another thing that nobody explains to you”. At first I wore a wristband. Right after, I started to have medical rehabilitation sessions. A good number of sessions and home exercises. Afterwards, it was when the doctor pronounced the words which I did not expect at all: “To fix this, you should get an operation”. “No- an operation is not in my plans, huh-I have enough work at home with the two little ones”. I decided to let time go by in order to see how my condition evolved and to -inevitably- look for opinions online . As always, there were opinions in favour of the operation and others totally against it. Thus, once again, as I did with many decisions during my pregnancy and during this upbringing period, I decided to let intuition be my guide.

The passing of time had an effect. When I didn’t carry the babies’ weight on my hands any longer, the pain went away. I could make all the gestures without any pain whatsoever. The problem is that only some things change. Goodbye, Quervain. Hello, backpain and neckpain!

Ready for Sant Jordi

Big preparations for a short-lived walk

Going out with a double baby trolley for the first time was not easy at all. On top of this, it was December and it was cold. We had borrowed a trolley and it was one of those where one baby sits in front of the other one. The babies don’t sit next to each other. We’ll eventually get one of these, but not yet. Buying a double trolley also requires a Master’s Degree. The problem is that there are no classnotes or teachers, and the McLaren trend is also setting. And I certainly didn’t want to let them impose the new trend on me. Sales people try to target you to sell anything they can (and even more!).

At first, I didn’t have to buy a trolley because, as I have just said, my “twin fairy” lent me one. It was practical because it was narrow enough to fit on the pavement. It had a steering wheel (yeah, yeah, I’m not kidding), so it was very easy to maneuver, even with just one hand. However, of course it was long, very long, and it weighed a ton. In the lift, we had to “half-fold it up” to fit inside. Besides, it took up all the car boot space. Having all the logistics ahead of us (don’t think that we got the hang of this straightaway) and after spending half an hour deciding how to dress the girls, we went out onto the street. It was not easy for me because I still had the C-section stitches but I had the vital need to go out onto the street and breathe. I must have been locked at home for two or three days, in a spiral of sensations and new feelings, so I wanted to go outdoors. I knew that we wouldn’t be able to go far, because I couldn’t force myself too much, but going for a walk represented a small victory.

We go outside onto the streets. We get to the corner, on our way to the bakery. It starts to rain. Back up. We’re back in our doorway. Our first walk has lasted for exactly 3 and a half minutes.

After three rainy days, the sun comes out again. Today is the day. All ready. We’re a bit more used to the whole thing and we go out, the girls well wrapped up, and I try to take it easier. It’s our first and proud walk as a family. After a while, however, my husband looks nervous. Uncomfortable. “What’s the matter?”, I ask. And he worriedly replies: “Everybody is looking at us. Everybody turns around to look at the trolley and the girls.” It’s true. This will become constant from now on. I haven’t noticed. Perhaps during my pregnancy, especially in the last three months, I got used to having all eyes on that huge bump that got everywhere before I did.

Recovering small time periods (The surprising case of newfound time)

This post combines with the preceding one. You have to come up with new formulae.

The easiest way to go to the cinema is going to the night showing. They are sleeping and you leave them under your brother-in-law's care, who does you a huge favour. Now, you have to carefully choose the film. As you can only go to the cinema once every six months, at least the film has to be worth it (the last one I saw, The King's Speech, definitely was- an excellent film).

Sex. Trying to forget about tiredness, when they have a nap (it's always difficult for the two of them to fall asleep at the same time) or when they are fast asleep at night. A good alternative: that somebody takes them for a walk or to play for a while.

As for creams, hot baths and hair removal as well as hairdressing I haven't come up with a magical solution. A quick shower and that's it, noon getaways to have my legs done when I have been meaning to go for three weeks and total rapport with your partner when you tell him that you're going to get up at 7 o’clock on a Saturday to be the first one at the hairdresser's at eight o'clock to be done asap.

Weekend breaks can't be improvised right now. They require a certain amount of planning even though we are improving our timings and we're getting better at logistics thanks to experience. Practice makes perfect.

Having a relaxed chat with a friend over a cup of coffee means that we have organised a "little ones free day" (that is, that they both stay with their grandparents, grandma or cousins). Otherwise, the attempt gets frustrated with the girls running about and preventing you from talking about transcendental matters. In this section we could also add buying clothes for myself.

Dancing in a disco is something I'd better not talk about. I'm dying to go dancing but it's been like three years since I last did (except for when I dance in my living room, but it doesn't feel the same).

Having a relaxed breakfast? During the week, I wake up at 7 o’clock and I have to buy some take-away latte on my way to work because I haven't had time to have breakfast. Some weekends we have managed to, even though it's true that we should redefine the concept "calm". I'm content with having breakfast with a relative peace and quiet.

There's a moment during the invasion in which you come to think that you won't manage. You even think that you'll forget about all those things which you used to do and which you liked so much. However, fortunately, some time periods are gradually recovered. Doing so is vital for your own health, that of your partner and that of your family. Step by step, each of us gets their personal space back.

Do you remember it? Forget it! (The mysterious case of dwindling time)

Do you remember when you decided to go to the cinema on a mid-Sunday afternoon and then you would pick which film to see? Do you remember when you had sex whenever and wherever you wanted? Do you remember when a Tuesday afternoon was the best time to have a hot bath and put on all the creams and lotions that you found in your bathroom? Do you remember when a Friday at noon your partner would phone and tell you "prepare your weekend bag because we're going for a break?" Do you remember when a friend phoned and the most usual sentence was "let's meet in half an hour and go for a drink"? Do you remember what it was like to dance in a disco or in the town's festival until the small hours? Do you remember what it was like to wake up at 10 and dawdle in bed? Do you remember what it was like to go shopping with friends and spend hours visiting every shop's fitting rooms to find those trousers, shoes or blouse which you wanted? Do you remember when weekend breakfasts calmly span out? Do you remember when organising a dinner was not a difficult logistic operation? Do you remember how well epilated, tanned and fit you used to be? Do you remember what it was like to have time to do things? Do you remember when you kept up to date with your hairdresser's appointments and all your grey hair didn't show up underneath your headlights?

I've almost forgotten all these. The twin invasion began with a clear time robbery- MY time! You won't have time to do all these things. Not even to think about them. The twin invasion represents a new dimension of "tiredness". I'll go back to this later on. Right now, I urgently need to have my highlights done!